Diary of a wreck

Play Prayer X on Spotify by King Gnu and read this, author's suggestion.

She brought a man again, he was sober, though.

She was wearing a glimmering short dress and was drunk. 

She has this huge glass window, I saw her fucking. Then sleeping.

The man left in the morning, she woke up made herself some chamomile tea, good for depression, you know .

It was a Sunday and she was supposed to go with friends for clubbing which she did.

She took a burbon and sat at the same place and was swirling her drink .

A man came up to her, asked her to dance. She didn't.

I did'nt know why.

She went out of the bar, walking back home.

The man came up to her, asked her if he can drop her ?

She said no, I don't know why she is pretty promiscuous you know.

He didn't force, she sat down on a bench, he sat down beside her, she was crying .

Anxiety.

He watched her cry didn't say a word. She tilted her head towards his shoulder to rest, he went up close to her and they sat, for a while. 

They went back to her place, he made her some chamomile tea and she slept. 

// Diary of a wreck 2 

/Mixed feelings/

 

Watching the blue sky is soothing to me,

while watching the night sky is bleak.

nobody leaves me yet, I don't have anybody with me.

Not that you need people all the time, 

but they sure do have an impact in your life, isn't it?

Everytime I meet somebody it feels good,

for that moment, it really does.

As time goes by and the glasses we drank wine in dry, 

I loose it,

the want to be with someone

to be loved by someone.

It's not wrong or maybe it is , 

from what i know, it sure is different.

You often cant get people what they want from you ,

I guess it's fine.

if you think you're escaping then you possibly are, 

people change people,

because people need people.

yet..yet,

I don't want to fill the hollow inside me.

but I want to watch hanabi with someone.

Undefined.

Have you ever been through this thought , when you can think but you can't write you can't find your inspiration to do so.

Have you? 

You can see so much happening around you so much you can see but nothing to pour down into words.  Have you ever imagined how it would have been if there were no notebooks no journals no pens to write with no social media to meet with new people how this would have ended? 

We have so much more than what we get. So less to begin with so much to end. We are but, starving , aren't we?

Starving for attention, to run from the truth , to live in virtuality. We crave for the touch between people which can never happen on social media. 

I can't find my inspiration and I know few people with this ideology can understand the depth of my pain.  But ,but most of them don't. I am much more complicated than they are and maybe , maybe that is the reason I have a limited number of friends but many number of pretences. 

No , I did not want to be this complicated . Or maybe I'm not , it's just my thoughts. Whoever is reading this , right now , think of the one thing that makes you different than others if you find it good , if you don't , good . It does not matter how much flawed you are and your flaws aren't gonna reflect in all your relationships but the best part is, you are unique no matter who you are with . If they cannot accept you as you are , flawed , they don't deserve you . 

Now. This does not mean you cannot be wrong and if your partner does not agree with you he/she does not mean they don't like you , you have to understand what wrong he/she is talking about. If you are in an abusive relationship , be it a guy or a girl . My tip , get the fuck out .

Right now . It starts now .